I am a beast.
I am a force of nature.
I am the dry crack of thunder before the coming storm.
I am what others fear in the back of their minds; a hold over from a time when violence was a way of life and death a constant reminder of what we are all really thinking of.
I am angry, and not the safe, washed down version you see spoiling about on TV. I feel the fire in my gut and the red in my eyes. It isn't just emotion; for me it's a way of life.
I am ready, and more importantly, I am worthy of the challenges I face, because I know that they will not break me, only grow my legend, my saga. I yearn for a time when a man claims immortality not from his iniquities being broadcast all of humanity, but when his deeds were whispered in hushed and reverent tones from those who had witnessed those moments of legend.
In the past two weeks, I have embarked upon a journey to improve my physical being. My thirtieth birthday happens to coincide with Florida's running of Tough Mudder. This twelve mile obstacle course is designed to test your resolve and your physical stamina, and my wonderful friends thought it would be a good way to celebrate the passing of my twenties. I reluctantly agreed, and began a regimen of both dieting and exercise that has left me in a place that I have never been before.
Satisfied.
It isn't a word I throw around very often. I am a firm believer that satisfaction leads to complacency, but this time it wasn't the case. This contentment, this satisfaction, stemmed from accomplishment. I have lost twelve pounds in two weeks. For the first time in ages, I feel light, quick, agile even. Waking up isn't a chore, it's another chance to prove to myself that I am the master of my life. I see so many people I know struggling to be happy, to find a better job or make more money, and for the first time, I get that this kind of joy doesn't come from succeeding in the rat race of life. It comes from getting up, making a decision to do the right thing, eat the right thing, and do it because it makes you a better person.
I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. There isn't a anyone going to care if I take care of myself in the end. Not really. How many time have we heard ourselves saying to someone we know, "Man, I wish so-in-so would just take of themselves. They really let go of themselves." I don't want anyone to ever say that about me. There is no excuse for it. In the end, I'm answerable to only two things; myself and God. And considering He made me in His image, I don't think he would appreciate me defacing the wondrous form He created for me.
It feels good to get that off of my chest.
Tangent warning, looks like I'll finally get to play some D&D soon. My girlfriend has been clambering to play, and her friends want to join in, so I feel obliged to to teach them how to play.
And Warmachine has been going fantastically. I'll be running my first league in the coming month.
SCC
