Raging isn't just for Barbarians

I have aggression problems. As in, when confronted by things I don't like, I like to steamroll over other people regardless of their feelings. Society tells me this is an inappropriate way to handle these emotions, and that I'm supposed to back down and talk things out, or accept that I've done something wrong.

Bullshit.

Let me explain. We live in a society that expects us to repress our most basic emotions in a way that causes us to resent having them. I personally don't ever resent being angry (in fact, it's something of a normal state of being for me), but I do resent when I don't control it well. I'll give you, yelling isn't always the 'best' way of handling it, but being upset is a part of being alive. I get tired of being told to not be angry. Never going to happen, pal. Tell me to not lash out, fair enough. If you don't agree, I respect that.

Now on to the root of the problem for me. People always equate anger as a negative emotion, whereas I see it as healthy and even necessary for motivation and progress. Content people don't push themselves to grow. When I'm comfortable, I sure don't like doing anything. Being upset makes me realize there is something in my environment that I need to fix, and occasionally gives me the extra 'oomph' I need to do something about it. So, how do I reconcile my personal philosophy with society's expectations? I don't know, and I realize the has held me back several times in my life.

I will say that gaming, and the act of character building in particular, is one of my favorite ways to relieve stress. My problems aren't going anywhere, so the option of not being me for a few hours every couple weeks is a balm to my soul. No kidding. D&D, Deathwatch (that one is a personal favorite), Shadowrun have all helped me through some really rough patches. The characters I make in these games are all idealized versions of myself. The are allowed to do the things I'm not, react with the violence of action and purpose that I'm told has no place in the real world. I'm an escapist, I except that. But when reality can be as disappointing as we all know it can be, everyone has a way to get away. And besides, I don't want to be someone else, just a better version of me.

Sorry there wasn't much gaming in this post, but I needed an outlet for recent frustrations. I'm going to do my damnedest to post on a Mon-Wed-Fri schedule, and tomorrow I'm going to shoot for expanding into Deathwatch. Ave Imperator!